There’s this idea of a compromise that you need to keep in mind when you’re having an affair. Your needs are important, but so are those of your affair partner and as such, you need to have a modicum of flexibility to make things work. One thing that you want to be careful of when having an affair, however, is being too flexible. When we talk about being too flexible we mean reordering your life in a big way for your affair partner.
An affair is something which is meant to be kept on the side with little disruption to your life and if you’re changing the way you live to meet the needs of an affair partner then you need to step back and take a good long look at what you’re doing. Not only does changing around your life for the sake of your affair partner make it much easier for you to get caught, but it will also put more stress on you in the long run for the sake of short term relief.
To combat that, we suggest that everyone who is thinking of embarking on an affair to have some rules or guidelines that they follow when it comes to their affair. Set boundaries for yourself that you won’t cross. Some of them could be as simple and obvious as “Don’t let your affair partner become more important than your family” to more personal and vague ones such as “Don’t meet on a Wednesday”. You want to make sure that you don’t lose yourself in an affair because you’ve got so much to gain otherwise.
The affair that you’re indulging in is meant to be something that helps you to find something that you’ve been missing in your life rather than complicate it.
If you’re letting it complicate your life then you’re going to find yourself in long term trouble when all you wanted was a release from your other long term troubles.
So make yourself a list, your own personalized list of affair rules. Unsure of where to start? We talked to our experts in affairs to make a basic list that you can take and personalize at your leisure.
1. Don’t let emotions get in the way. Set yourself emotional boundaries and stick to them. Affairs can be beautiful and wonderful things, but when strong emotions are thrown into the mix that is an instant complication.
2. Set a limit to how many times you meet a month. Now this will vary for everyone depending on how busy their lives are, but you want to make sure that you set a limit and don’t go over it. While it can be tempting to miss a hockey practice or a certain function in order to have an affair, that’s a slippery slope toward finding yourself giving up more of your life toward an affair.
3. If you’re going to be seeing the same affair partner multiple times, don’t have a second affair. Juggling two lives is difficult, juggling three is even harder and so on and so forth. If you’re just going to have sporadic fuck buddies then that’s fine, but if you’re seeing one person for an extramarital affair regularly, stick to that one person. It makes things neater.
4. Don’t talk to your affair partner while you’re at home. This should be obvious, but if you talk to them while you’re at home there’s a larger chance that you will be caught. The same goes for at work. You want to find time in between those two places to talk to your affair partner. Use your free time rather than your time which belongs to somebody else whether it’s a corporation, your family or your friends.
5. Keep the promises you make. If you’re going out to meet some friends, don’t ditch them for an affair. The biggest reason is that it makes you seem more suspicious, but the truth of the matter is that by prioritizing your affair over other things in your life you’re going to end up doing damage to your life. Affairs are generally transient, but the set pieces in your life are not, so make sure that you don’t end up damaging the relationships you already have for a quick moment of satisfaction.