Movies Your Husband Watched Just to Get Laid

Real men watch chick flicks. He’ll sit there with his arm around you, try not to fall asleep, and when you cry, he’ll let you wipe your teary eyes on his t-shirt. This behaviour is not free of motivation. Your husband wants to get laid, and he is willing to do what it takes. What it takes is feigning interest in movies such as these:

Movies Your Husband Watched Just to Get Laid

Bridesmaids

Just the mere mention of a gaggle of women dressed in matching fuchsia satin dresses is enough to send a man running to his beer fridge. On the plus side, Bridesmaids is the female version of Hangover and guy movies of that ilk, so it isn’t that bad. Laughter is underestimated as foreplay, but trust me, more guys get women into bed by making them laugh. If he can use a movie as a sexual aid, he will.

Eat Pray Love 

There is a reason that a man wrote a satirical version of Eat Pray Love, the book that was turned into a hit movie. Drink, Play, F@#k by Andrew Gottlieb, describes what most men would rather be doing than watching a movie about a woman trying to discover herself. Make him feel it was worth it. This movie is one third food porn. The only hot part of this film, is the steam rising off the pasta. If a man agrees to watch any movie starring Julia Roberts, he has ulterior motives.

The Notebook

There is a good reason for women to watch The Notebook: Ryan Gosling. Not only does your husband have to listen to you gush about Gosling, he has to listen to lines like this: “Do you think our love can make miracles? “ It will be a miracle if his testicles haven’t shrunk after watching this film. Do him a favour, after the movie, reach down into his pants and make sure everything is still in working order.

Sense and Sensibility 

Any mention of Jane Austen usually destroys whatever libido a man has. Period romances are some of the most difficult movies for a man to watch. He doesn’t care about flowing velvet and lace dresses and handwritten love letters. What he cares about is helping you loose your sensibility when the final credits are rolling.

Titanic

Any man who watched Titanic did it for one reason and one reason only. If he agrees to accompany you to the opening of Titanic 3D, in April, he better be getting some 3D action, because that is the only reason he would put himself through that horror. As if the vision of star-crossed lovers standing on the bow of the ship wasn’t enough, he has to endure Celine Dion singing “My Heart Will Go On”. Titanic is 194 minutes of your husband’s life he will never get back, such a tragedy.