If you’re here, it’s likely that you are wondering why an affair is necessary. Or maybe you already support an affair and can’t seem to find the right words. As we are biologically nonmonogamous, affairs are natural to us. However, monogamy is strictly enforced in society. This whole idea is that humans should look at animals to decide how to act, even though it doesn’t apply to other areas such as walking naked or accepting homosexual relationships. Monogamous animals exist, and humans should emulate them. Article after article would tell me that humans should try to emulate swans, who are long considered a prime example for monogamy in animals.
They’re not swans, but they have been shown to be non-monogamous.
Monogamy has its own reasons. We can either stay monogamous, or fight the urge to have sex with people we don’t want to. Although we are told to fight our biology to be faithful to our spouses it is not explained why. God? Our family? Our society as a whole? There are many reasons, but it is not clear that keeping the children together is better for them. Not everyone believes in God, and as for society… well, unless tabloid rags get to sell papers every time a high-profile person cheats, we haven’t seen these benefits.
So what then is the point of MONOGAMY, you ask?
The nuclear family is no longer the most revered. The population is changing and the families are evolving as well. As affairs are more common than ever, the divorce rate is on the rise. So why are people so afraid of cheating? And why do our social stigmas against cheating still strongly oppose open marriages and extramarital affairs.
These are the stigmas that must be removed and we are making slow progress. Although our views about religion and the meaning of marriage are changing, we don’t mean to refer to the various types of marriage other than those that are part of it. We may not be ready to admit that the structure of marriage needs to change. It is more than just who benefits from it. This is a conversation that no one wants to have right now, and those who want extra-marital affairs must do so privately.
We force cheaters to lie by imposing our stigmas. If they were honest about their desires and needs, it would lead to either couples’ counselling or divorce. People who desire to have an affair don’t want to get divorced. It would be easier to be open about sexual relationships than to keep them secret. We are poisoning marriage by putting too much emphasis on “til death do us part” and the idea that having sexual relations with anyone other than your spouse is a terrible thing.
These are not the people who advocate discreet affairs. They are ruining the sacredness of marriage. It is not those who insist that a person must be miserable if they aren’t getting the support they need in their marriage to ensure their happiness. The goal of marriage is to find what you need to make you happy and complete yourself.
This is the standard we have set. However, we insist that those who are unhappy in their marriage either leave it or continue to live with it. We also ask that they sacrifice their own needs for the sake of their spouses and families. While this may sound noble, it is not the best idea. These needs can be sexual or simply a need for intimacy.
Relationships are about compromise and sacrifice. But what do I want to know? What is more important in marriage than personal happiness and what can you give up?