So if you’re on here, you’re probably wondering why you should have an affair in the first place or maybe you are already pro-affair and just can’t find the right words to express yourself. Affairs are things which come naturally to us as we are biologically non-monogamous, but living in a society where monogamy is strictly enforced. There is this whole idea that humans should look to animals in order to determine how they should act even though this doesn’t carry over into other areas of our actions like walking around naked or accepting homosexual relationships as natural. There are animals which are monogamous, so humans should act like them as much as they can. I can remember reading article after article where people would say that we, as humans, should strive to be like swans who have long been held up as a prime example of monogamy in animals.
We’re not swans though, and they’ve been proven to be non-monogamous as well.
With monogamy there is always a reason why we have to stay monogamous or fight the urges that we have to sleep with the people whom we want to sleep with. We are told to fight our biology in order to remain true to our spouses, but it is never really explained who we are doing this for. God? Our family? Our society in general? The reasons are varied, but there’s no proof that staying together for the kids is better for them, not everyone believes in god and as for our society… Well unless the tabloid rags getting to sell papers whenever a high profile person cheat, we have not seen these benefits.
SO WHAT THEN IS THE POINT OF MONOGAMY?
We are not in an age where the nuclear family is still held in the highest regard. Families are becoming as diverse and as different as the population itself. Affairs are commonplace as ever and the divorce rate is sky-rocketing, so why are people so afraid to cheat and why are our social stigmas against cheating still so strongly against the idea of open marriages or extramarital affairs?
These are stigmas that need to change and we are taking an inexorably slow time with it. While our views on religion and the scope of marriage is changing, we are not talking about the different kinds of marriage aside from what genders are included in it. Perhaps we are not ready to acknowledge that there is a need to revamp the entire structure of marriage rather than simply who is included in its benefits. This is a talk that no one is willing to have currently though and those who wish to have extra-marital affairs are forced to do so discreetly.
By forcing our stigmas on those who choose to cheat, we are forcing them to be dishonest. To be honest about their wants and their needs would at the very least lead them to couples’ counselling or to divorce. The people who want to have affairs aren’t looking to have a divorce because let’s be honest with ourselves for a moment here, it would be easier to just be able to pursue sexual relationships openly than having to hide them. By putting so much emphasis on til death do us part and the idea that having sex with someone who is not your spouse is one of the worst things that you can do in a marriage, we are poisoning the very idea of marriage.
It is not those who are advocating discreet affairs that are ruining the sanctimony of marriage. It is those who are insisting that even if someone is miserable and not getting what they need from their marriage for their emotional, mental and physical well-being must deny themselves their own happiness. Marriage is supposed to be finding what you need to bring you happiness and to complete yourself as a person.
That’s the standard that we’ve set for it and yet we insist that people who aren’t happy either end the marriage or stay in it while sacrificing their needs for that of their spouse and family. This may seem noble in some regards, but considering that these needs are often sexual or can even simply needing the intimacy that their marriage has been lacking.
Relationships have always been about sacrifice and compromise, but what I want to know and what people should be asking themselves is why is marriage more about sacrificing what you want than your personal happiness?